Maddhouse Situation: 12 Year Old Give Mom an Ultimatum, It’s Your Husband or Me!
It’s a Situation Thursday! Let’s get this mother some help…
I have a huge problem at home. My daughter (12) and husband (not her bio dad) are at war. My husband and I had a rough first 3 years of marriage. (we are now in our 4th year of marriage). He cheated on me several times & my kids (twins) accidentally found out when they overheard us arguing. My daughter claims she witnessed him cheating by seeing his messages on social media. I was preparing to leave him and told my kids and him but I later decided to stay and work on our marriage. My daughter is not having it.
She has made it really clear that she has no respect for him & will never forgive him for the hurt he caused me. They argue constantly. He’s trying. She’s not and said she doesn’t want to work on their relationship. It’s gotten to the point where she feels like I’m choosing him over her which I’m not. I chose both of them. She has even resorted to giving me an ultimatum, her or him, which I refuse to do. My husband was wrong but he is sincerely trying. He’s also been pretty petty towards my daughter but is working on his part. She’s not.
I love my daughter and I know she wants to protect me from being hurt again, but my marriage is my choice not hers. Yet, part of me is reaching the point that if my daughter is not happy or she hates my husband what kind of mother am I? No matter how much I try to explain to her that she has to respect him as an adult and head of household, she continues to disrespect him. I’m caught in the middle and don’t know what to do. The whole house is feeling the effects and it is also causing a lot of tension in my marriage which is otherwise going very well. We are all in counseling but she refuses to do the work.
Do I leave my husband? Do I send her to live with her dad (which in her eyes will mean I’ve chosen my husband over her)? Or do I insist she goes to counseling with him to work on their relationship (but what if she refuses)? I don’t know what to do. My children mean the world to me but my husband also is doing all he can to repair our marriage. Help!
YIKES! This is a tough one. What’s your advice for this mother? Slide in my DM on Instagram @heymsjessica and let me know. And don’t forget if you have a situation, we want to get you some help. Send me an email firstname.lastname@example.org.